On Becoming a Parent

Two people made a significant impact on the raising of my children. One was their pediatrician. The other was a child guidance columnist.

When my life as a parent was just beginning, my confidence in being able to raise a child was pretty low on the scale, after the death of our first little girl at the age of just two months. On the plus side of actual physical care, I was fortunate to have as a pediatrician, Dr. Peter G. Danis [I was told the pronunciation sounded like donny]. I felt I knew next to nothing about child care, and I needed to know so many things.

When I asked my mother about any particular concern, she brusquely said, “Use your own common sense.” My reply was, “But, Mother, where children are concerned I have no common sense.” I had no way to relate child care to anything I had yet experienced in my young life.

But, Dr. Danis to the rescue: He had a pre-printed list, taking up an 8-1/2” x 14” page, with explicit directions as to what to do in specific situations. Then at the bottom of the page, he added, “If you still don’t know what to do; do nothing at all. Call the Doctor.” [The beginning of that sentence may have been worded a bit differently, but the rest of it sticks with me.] That page of detailed instructions to a young parent, and knowing I could reach out for more help if I needed to was a God send to me. I did develop some common sense after I learned enough to have something to base it on.

During my young adult years while raising my family, and for as long as the columns were available, there were a few columnists which I read regularly. One that I found enormously helpful in child guidance was written by Dr. Angelo Patri, educator and author. His column on advice to parents, which I no longer remember any specifically, except for one particular bit of advice. “Don’t tell a child no unless you really mean it. And once having said it, stick to it.”

Perhaps present day child guidance counselors would agree with some of Dr. Patri’s teachings and perhaps disagree with others. I have not read any of his works for many years, but it seems the basics he recommended were to deal with children with love, kindness, firmness and guidance. Think about what you wanted to teach them, or what you wanted them to do, and once having taken a stand, be consistent.

Dr. Danis saved my life in a manner of speaking when I was an apprehensive young mother, frightened that I might lose another child. I was determined to do everything I could to prevent that happening. Not that I neglected my first child, but I think every parent might feel there must have been something I could have done differently, or better, in such a situation. Learning what I could about child care was like leaving no stone unturned to have the best chance at survival.